What a Scene
by gelfling
Summary: Kakashi's gritty, slightly depressing and angry thoughts on Sasuke's decision to try and join Orochimaru. Short and to the point. Sarcasm and irony, focus on Kakashi.


A/N: Okay, it hit my mind the other night how Sasuke had left the village and everyone's concentrating on how _Naruto_ and _Sakura_ feel all crappy and stuff, and wondering if Neji's really alive or not, and just generally disliking Sasuke on basic principle.  And then I got to wondering…how does _Kakashi_ feel about all of it?  I know he's not mentioned anywhere—I don't even think he _knows_ what Sasuke has done yet.  Anyway…that's what this ficcy focuses on.  Slightly angsty, a bit gritty, written in 31 minutes in a timed contest. 

**What a Scene**

You lay on your side on your bed, body stiff and overheated because the summer air is still stifling even at night and listen to the crickets copulate and flirt outside your window.  A fight breaks out between the neighbor's dogs—tough, loud, gruff barks more for show than for anything else. 

You wonder what the hell you were thinking.

What the hell were you _thinking_??

You should've disqualified them from the start.  You should've sent them back to the Academy, in shame or out.  You should've told the Hokage the truth flat out—You're not _fit_ to be left with children—you don't even _like_ kids!  They're selfish and greedy and worse than adults because they don't have the good manners to _lie _about their defaults, like you do.  They're honest, and that's dangerous.

You should've done a million things that you never will and never _can_ now, not now that it's way too late now, but you wish you could.

Therein lies the irony.  Therein lies the humor.  Therein lies the one _big_ thing that keeps you moving from day to day, because there's little else to motivate you.

You find it funny.  Yes, it's painful, but it's also ridiculously funny.

Gai gets nervous when he sees in that mood, but then Gai's always been a little weird with his heart in the right place: sandwiched cozily between his lungs.

It was Sasuke who convinced you that Team 7 was worth a damn.  It was Sasuke who was tearing it apart.  It was Sasuke you taught your biggest trick to, the only trick you took the time and effort and pride in creating: calling lightening and the sound of bird wings to the hand.

It was in Sasuke that you saw a mirror of yourself.

…

Heh. 

Funny, isn't it?

Of course it is.  Excruciatingly hysterical. 

You're seldom so grateful for Gai's presence and your own…apathy? frigidity? control?…whatever, as you are now.

You.  You you you _you_.

Sasuke's betrayal took only a few hours.  His retrieval squad spent little more than a day's time.

And while they were you were stuck out here in an intelligence collection mission, looking for a scrap of intelligence to collect while kids are getting hurt because of your student's stupidity.

You're not his parents.  You're not _responsible_ for him in that way.

His parents are dead.  If you aren't responsible for him like that, who is?

No one.  Himself, maybe.  It doesn't matter now.

One of the things you secretly hate Sasuke for is that he's so stupid.  He can be far, far more than the insane killer he aspires to be.

What you hate about yourself is that you were so _stupid_ back then, back when you were young.  What you secretly hate about yourself is how stupid you are now—how you haven't changed a bit.

…

Regardless, it's over now. 

You need to sleep tonight, so if those damn crickets and bloody dogs and blasted heat and just _awful_ thoughts would just get out of your head and leave you alone, you would.  You need to sleep tonight. 

Tomorrow was another day—another mission, another breakfast, another team, another life.  Maybe you'll get it all right this time—maybe it'll all last longer than a few moments.  Maybe…

The dogs stop fighting, but the crickets are still screwing loudly, so you close your right eye because the left has been acting up again. 

At least you've still got your sense of humor, right?

_And how does it feel to be out on your own?_

_And now it's too late to go home_

_And it's hard to be free when you're down on your knees_

_Take it easy 'til you make it alone_

_Take it easy 'til you make it alone_

_What a scene_

_--What a Scene, _Goo Goo Dolls

A/N: Funky ending, I know, but I…kind of like how gritty it felt, writing it.  Not really a point to it, but it felt…gritty.  And sort of angry/sad.  Hope you liked it.


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